Random Schwarz Randomness
by Siko Kudou
Summary: Um...I scare myself... *chapter 5, yo*
1. Mmm, toasty...

All right…this was written while I was on crack…r&r and I'll love you forever!

Random Schwarz Randomness

Day 1-Mission: Annoy Crawford into submission. 

*the scene is the Schwarz kitchen. Crawford and Schuldig are sitting at the table. Crawford is reading the paper and drinking coffee and Schuldig is leaning over the table, trying to get in his face*

Schuldig: Bradley-chaaaaaaaaaaaaan…

Crawford: No.

Schuldig: Brad…

Crawford: No.

Schuldig: Brady-

Crawford: No.

Schuldig: But Braaaaaaaaaaaaad…

Crawford: No!

*Nagi wanders downstairs rubbing his eyes and yawning*

Nagi: What's going on down here?

Crawford: Schuldig wants me to buy him the new Mercedes Benz-

Schuldig: But Bradley, it's only 764345675675648786767, 000, 000 yen!

Crawford: *straightens his paper* No.

Schuldig: But Bradley, it's not-

Crawford: End of discussion. 

Schuldig: But Bradley, it's just-

Crawford: The subject is closed.

Schuldig: BUT BRADLEY, I'D LOOK SO SEXY DRIVING IT! DON'T YOU WANT ME TO LOOK SEXY?!

Crawford: You look sexy enough under me, moaning my name.

Schuldig: *blushes*

Nagi: *rolls eyes* Get a room…

Crawford: *grins and raises an eyebrow* What do you say, Schu?

Schuldig: Bradley…*leans across the table at Crawford's level and slowly licks his lips*

Crawford: *leaning forward* Yes…?

Schuldig: *face twisted* I WANT A MERCEDES! PLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEASSSE????!!!!!

Crawford: *falls backward off the chair* Ack!* after much deliberation(2 seconds worth!) just lays there, face blank* …I hate my life.

Day 2-Mission: Bargain with Crawford to get what you want.

*the Schwarz boys are going to the American owned Safeway that just opened up with Crawford driving. Schu is in the backseat, leaning over with his mouth to Crawford's ear*

Schuldig: Bradleeeey…if you buy me the car, I'll make it worth your while…

Crawford: No.

Schuldig: Don't you want to see me wearing only caramel tonight?

Crawford: Been there, done that.

Schuldig: *pouts* Brad, you're mean!

Crawford: Yes, that's right.*evil glaretm*

Schuldig: *cries*

Crawford: *evil cacklingtm* 

Day 3-Mission: Be poorly enigmatic.

*the next day at the Schwarz household…Crawford is reading his paper and drinking coffee(fun!), Nagi is glaring at him, occasionally glancing over at Farfello and doing the same. Farfello is continually stabbing a piece of toast with his knife and grinning*

Farfello: Yum, yum…dry toast makes God cry…

*Schuldig parades in with a box*

Schuldig: *leaning over at Crawford's level* Bradleeeeeeey…*big eyes*

Crawford: *sighs and massages his temples* Schu, whatever you did or broke I'd rather not know about it right now.

Schuldig: No, no, it's not that! It's just that…well, since I can't have a car…can I have a kitten?

Crawford: A *what*?!

Schuldig: A kitten! I promise I'll feed him and clean his litter box and train him and give him lots of attention and play with him and-

Crawford: *twitches*

Nagi: Would we really want a kitten around Farfello?

Schuldig: Well why not?

Farfello: *stabbing the toast harder* I hate you toast, child of God! 

Schuldig: *pales*

Nagi: I think I've made my point.

Schuldig: Brrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaddddddddllllllllleeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy…*melts into a puddle on the table*

Crawford: What the hell is wrong with this household?! Why am I still alive, why?!

Nagi: What's in the box, Schu?

Schuldig: Huh? What box? *kicks it under the table*

Nagi: …the one you just kicked under the table.

Schuldig: You're hallucinating, Nagi! I knew that cereal tasted odd…

Nagi: *head in hands* I give up. I just give up. I'm going to school to wallow in my misery furthermore. *walks out, slamming the door*

Schuldig: Have a good day! Play nice with your little friends!

Cawford: *is passed out with his face lying in the bowl of Cheerios in front of him*

Farfello: *jams a handful of forks into the toaster*

Schuldig: *blinks, then picks the box back up* Come on, Ein Wenig Schuldig…*walks to his room and shuts the door, smiling*

Well…are you just *dying* from the anticipation?


	2. Wonderbread...yum yum!

(that afternoon…)

(Schu and Nagi are standing in Farfello's room, where our favorite Irish psychopath is running on one conveyer belt thingies. He's chained by the wrists to it and in front of it on a fishing line, a piece of toast is hanging just out of his reach. Connected to the conveyer belt are more conveyer belts that are powering a fan. In front of the fan is a pinwheel)

Farfello: (running) Must…kill…toast…

Schu: Nagi, please explain WHY you did this? 

Nagi: Ummm…it's making that pinwheel move…

Schu: Well, duh, what's so great about a stupid pinwheel?

Nagi: Just look at it, all the pretty colors…look at how they swirl together…pretttttty…and hypnotic…

Schu: Eh? *stares at it and his eyes glaze over* Ahhhh…*drools* So…pretty…

Nagi: (evil cackle) *picks up Schu with his mind and is about to slam him into the wall like a fly on a windshield but (da da da da!) Crawford enters and saves the day by slapping Nagi…again)

Nagi: Dammit, you don't let me have any fun…

Crawford: Don't mess with my man!

Nagi: (snaps his fingers) Talk to the hand cuz the face ain't listenin'!

Schu: (who is…somewhat normal again) You're triflin', foo'…

Farfello: Don't playa-hate!

(they all suddenly stop and stare at one other)

Nagi: I mean, I hate the world and I hope you all die!

Crawford: I have some business to take care of.

Schu: I'm going to go find something to screw.

Farfello: DIE, DAMN YOU, TOAST, DIE!

(later…)

(Crawford and Schu are in the bedroom cuddling *awwww…*)

Crawford: Schu…what was in that box?

Schu: Um…what box?

Crawford: You know damn well which box.

Schu: It was all in your imagination…actually, this is all a dream! *does weird little dream-like movements with his hands* Whooooooo…Bradley Crawford, you are sleeping…I'm not really Schuldig, I'm just Schuldig invading your dreeeeeeams…

Crawford: *blinks*

Schu: *drops hands* Well, I tried.

Crawford: Dammit, just tell me…

Schu: …porn.

Crawford: What?

Schu: Porn, yeah. I got a whole box from that adult store down the street. They were just *giving* it away *grins*

Crawford: There's no adult store down the street.

Schu: Yes, there is, you just haven't looked hard enough! Brad, I think you forgot to take your brain medicine.

Crawford: What the hell are you babbling about?

Schu: You know, your brain medicine…

Crawford: I thought I told you to stop smoking crack!

Schu: I did! I'm just uh, so happy tonight! Yeah!

Crawford: And why, might I ask, could you possibly be happy on such a miserable night, in such a miserable house, of miserable people, in a miserable town, in a miserable country, on a miserable planet, in a miserable univers-

Schu: Alright! I'm happy because…it's our…3.53554579456 month anniversary!

Crawford: Eh?

Schu: Yeah, happy anniversary! So, tonight, you have to stay in here and not go into my room and find out what's in the box…sooooo that I can give you your anniversary present!

Crawford: And where is this present?

Schu: It's…well…uhhhh…(sees a shiny object on the bedside table and grabs it) It's this! (holds it out to him, smiling)

Crawford: …it's a paperclip.

Schu: Yeah, you can do lots of things with a paperclip, especially if you're McGuyver!

Crawford: (sighs)

(SUDDENLY, the door squeaks open something enters…)

Schu: Uh, BRAD, TAKE ME NOW! *flings himself at Crawford*

Crawford: AHHHH!!! Get off of me, now, Schuldig!

Schu: (desperately trying to keep his face in front of Crawford's) How about if I serenade you? (sings in his German accent) Uhhh, so horny, uhhhh, so horny-

Crawford: Gah, stop it!

Schuldig: Shake ya ass, watch yourself, shake ya ass, show me what you're workin' with-

Crawford: (shoves him away to see the intruder)

Schu: Aw, crap…

(sitting at the foot of the bed is a tiny, adorable little white kitten)

Cat: (meows)

Schu: Surprise?

Crawford: (glaring) Why. Is. There. A. Cat. In. My. Apartment?

Schu: OUR apartment-

Crawford: You know I'm allergic to animal hair, dammit!

Schu: Could he just stay with us for tonight? Please Brad?

Crawford: No!

Schu: But…he has nowhere else to go…I got him from the pound where he was about to be put to sleep.

Crawford: No, you didn't.

Schu: Alright, I got him at Pet Palace, but that doesn't make any difference!

Crawford: *crosses his arms*

Schu: Pleeeeeeeeease, Bradley?

Crawford: No.

Schu: (puppy dog eyes) Pleeeeeeeease?

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: No.

Schu: Please-

Crawford: ALRIGHT!!!!!!!! FINE!!!!!!

Schu: (happily kisses Crawford on the cheek) thank you, liebe…

Crawford: (grumbles)

Schu: And look…(picks the kitten up) …isn't he cute?

Crawford: (looks over) Well…maybe a little, I guess.

Schu: (holds it out to Crawford) Try holding him.

Crawford: (looks at the cat, who's staring at him innocently, then smiles) Alright. (takes it. Suddenly, the cat hisses and bite Crawford's hand) AH, you little bastard! 

Cat: (hisses then attaches itself to Crawford's face by its claws)

Schu: That can't be good.

Crawford: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! (runs around the room with the cat stuck to his face, screaming) GETITOFFMEGETITOFFMEGETITOFFME! (runs into the wall) Owwww…(falls over with the thing still clinging to him)

Schu: Bad Ein Wenig Schuldig!

(the door to Farfello's room opens. Crawford steps in, with bandages all over his body and a cast on his arm. He's holding the cat, which has a bag of Wonderbread attached to its back)

Crawford: Enjoy. (throws the cat in and locks the door)

Farfello: (stares at the Wonderbread, eye twitching) Bread…bread is even more pure than toast! It must suffer…then God will cry! Here, kitty, kitty, kitty…

(we hear the sounds of a cat yowling and maniacal laughter)

Schu: Dammit, It didn't work right! I wasn't supposed to use that until 1 week of whining didn't work…alright…using a cat to drive Brad crazy until I got what I wanted wasn't the answer…so what's the next thing? (a little light bulb appears above his head and he grins) Oh, yes…I'll be cruising along in my new Mercedes Benz soon enough…


	3. Practice

It's part 3!  ^_^    Big thanks you to everyone reviewing!

the next day at 6:00 am there is a knock on the door. Tiredly, Crawford walks over and answers it)

Crawford: This had *better* be good-AHHHH!!!!

 (he is surrounded by chibis. A very tired looking woman stands behind them)

Crawford: What the hell is going on here?!

Woman: (looks at the address) This *is* the Schwarz babysitting service isn't it?

Crawford: Babysitting?!

(Schu walks over to the door and smiles at the chibis. They all kinda back away…)

Schu: Yes, this is Schwarz babysitting service. When will you be picking your brat-er, kids up, miss?

Woman: Can I say never?

Schu: (crosses arms)

Woman: Fine, I'll be here at 5 o'clock. (walks off)

Schu: Thank you for your service! We'll take extra good care of them!

Crawford: *twitches* Schuldig…please tell me WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!

Schu: Brad, not in front of the children!

Crawford: …tell me what in Takatori's name you did this time…

Schu: Well, I figured that this could be practice…you know….incase we'd ever decide to have kids.

Crawford: And how, Schu,  would we accomplish that magnificent feat?

Schu: Oh, there are ways…^_~ and with this babysitting thing we could make some extra money to buy, oh, I don't know, a new car of some kind…

Crawford: I'm going to murder you.

Schu: *backs away, then looks back down at the chibis*

Chibis: *stand there looking scared*

Schu: Kids, this is Uncle Crawly…he's very happy to have you staying with us today…say hi to the kids, Uncle Crawly!

Crawford: (unintelligible mumbling)

Chibis: Uncle Crawly! (they all jump and attach themselves to Crawford's leg)

Crawford: AH! GET THESE MONSTERS OFF OF ME!

Chibis: We love you, uncle Crawly!

Crawford: (tries to kick them off) DIE!

11:00 am-

(the chibis are all crowded around the tv, watching Teletubbies. Crawford and Nagi sit behind them. Nagi looks annoy and Crawford just looks disgruntled)

T.V.: Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, La-La, Poe. Teletubbies, Teletubbies…

Nagi: *Maybe* we could watch something else now…if I hear this damn song one more time I'm going to scream…

Chibis: (mesmerized)

Nagi: (slowly gets up to change the channel)

Chibis: (all start crying and screaming at once)

Nagi: (immediately sits back down)

Chibis: (stare at the screen, drooling)

12 pm-

Crawford: *leads them all to the dining room* I guess I have to feed you animals now…

Chibi 1: I want pizza!

Chibi 2: Hot dogs!

Chibi 3: SUGAR!

Crawford: You'll get whatever I feel like giving you! (searches through the cabinets until he finds a can of…some mystery substance. He opens it and empties it into bowls, then throws them on the table. It's mushy, green and looks like its bubbling) Eat.

Chibis: (all look at it in disgust) Ewww…that looks yucky!

Crawford: Hmph, that's not my problem, because *I'm* sure  as hell not eating it…

Chibi 2: (picks up some with a spoon and flings it at Crawford) 

Chibis: (all giggle)

Crawford: (hyperventilates) I will prevent myself from killing you by pretending that never happened…

Chibis: (all throw their bowls at him, laughing) Uncle Crawly looks silly!

Crawford: (covering in green goo) Now I will calmly remove myself from the situation and bang my head against the nearest metal object. Excuse me.

2:00 pm-

Crawford: *sighs* Schuldig tells me it's your naptime…so…go to sleep.

Chibi 1: But we're not tired, Uncle Crawly…

Crawford: *massages temples* Whatever…I will not let myself get upset…I will not let myself get upset… I will not let myself get upset… I will not let myself get upset…if you lay down and go to sleep, I'll give you lollipops.

Chibis: *all immediately lay down

Crawford: *smirks* That worked well….

Chibi 3: Uncle Crawly, will you tell us a story?

Crawford: Why not…I've already thoroughly degraded myself today, anyway…*sits down in front of them* Once upon a time there was a little girl named Goldilocks. Goldilocks was wandering around in the woods when she came upon a little cottage. Since Goldilocks was an ignorant little child, she walked into the cottage uninvited, ate some porridge, broke a chair and fell asleep in one of the beds. Later, the 3 bears that lived there came home mauled her to death. The end. *gets up, turns the lights off and walks out of the room, shutting the door*

Chibis: (all lay there with their big chibi eyes wide open)

4 pm-

(the chibis are all sitting in the living room, gathered around Farfello)

Farfello: …so you see, if you hurt bread, you hurt God…

Chibis: Wowwwwww…

Farfello: *grins*

5 pm-

(there is a knock on the door. Schu answers it to find that it is the same woman from that morning)

 Woman: Where are the little demons?

Schu: Um, just a second…(walks away the comes back with them. They're all stabbing at toast with butter knives)

Chibis: Heheheheheh…

(later that night in Brad and Schu's bedroom…)

Crawford: (is folding clothes, humming)

Schu: Um, Crawford, those kids are coming back tomorrow…

Crawford: Oh?

Schu: Yeah…but you know…if you wanted me to cancel, there's *1 thing* you could do for me…

Crawford: Actually, that's okay…I think after being around Farfie, taking care of those kids should be a piece of cake…*grins* They're scarred for life now…

Schu: Dammit…shot down again…well…at least I have 1 more ace up my sleeve…


	4. Vaaaaacaaaaaatiiiiiioooooon...

(It's the next day and Schu sits up in bed, watching Crawford sleep)

Crawford: (snores)

Schu: (arches an eyebrow, then pokes him)

Crawford: *whines and buries his face in the pillow* No, mom I don't wanna go to school today, I'm sick…

Schu: *clonks him on the head*

Crawford: OW! *shoots up and falls off the bed*

Schu: *smiles sweetly* Rise and shine, time to go…

Crawford: …go? Go where?

Schu: *crosses arms* Well, Brad, if I told you that, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it?

Crawford: I don't like surprises…

Schu: Oh, I just *know* you'll love this…and it'll be beneficial to both of us…

Crawford: *blinks*

Schu: Now get ready, our plane leaves in an hour.

Crawford: *glares* Since when did you become the leader? 

Schu: *pokes him* Since *you* started slacking off and not letting me have my car…

Crawford: Schu, look at it my way…you'd just crash the damn thing 15 minutes after you got it, trying to do some brainless stunt…

Schu: *crosses arms* Would not!

Crawford: Would too.

Schu: Would not!

Crawford: Would too. 

Schu: Would not!

Crawford: Would too.

Schu: Would not!

Crawford: Would too.

Schu: Would not!

Crawford: Would too.

Schu: Would not!

Crawford: Would too.

Schu: Would not!

Crawford: Would too.

Schu: Would not!

Crawford: Would too infinity plus one!

Schu: Damn you! *smacks him with a pillow*

Crawford: *glasses are knocked off and he's blinded* AHHHH!!!! 

(in the airport…)

Nagi: *sitting straight up in his chair, hyperventilating* I really do not like flying, I really DO NOT like flying…

Crawford: *flipping through the paper* Tell it to the one who's making us go on this stupid trip…

Schu: But Bradley-chan, it'll be fun!

Crawford: That's exactly what you said before that trip to Disneyworld…

Schu: Eh?

~*FLASHBACK SEQUENCE*~

(Crawford, Schu, Farfello and Nagi are surrounded by people dressed as cartoon characters)

Crawford: (being poked by Donald Duck) I am not amused.

Donald Duck: Cheer up, little boy! You're in the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!

Crawford: *shudders*

Schu: *clings to Crawford while Goofy tries to give him a big hug* Leave me alone!

Goofy: Aw, give Goofy a hug! *tries to grab him*

Schu: **RAPE!**

Goofy: *looks around, puts his hands up and slowly backs away*

Nagi: *Mickey Mouse tries to give him a balloon* I don't want a balloon! I want you to get the hell away from me!

Mickey Mouse: Let's see you turn that frown into a smile! *dances around moronically*

Nagi: Let's see you splattered like a fly on a windshield against that brick wall over there…

Mickey Mouse: Damned corrupt generation…

Farfello: *running around with a balloon* Can we go get some bread from Little Paris?!

~*~END FLASHBACK*~

Schu: …oh yeah. 

(on the plane, taking off…)

Nagi: *grips his armrest, shaking* We'reallgonnadiewe'reallgonnadiewe'reallgonnadiewe'reallgonnadie

Schu: *looking pale* Oh , jeez…*grabs the obligatory barf bag and vomits into it*

Crawford: *sighs and works on his laptop*

Farfello: *is reading YM* Ooh…Schu, do you think that blue frost would be a good shade of eye shadow for my complexion?

Crawford: Who the hell gave him that magazine?

Schu: *vomits*

Farfello: …did you eat any toast? Because if you did-

Schu: NO!

Nagi: *jumps up and runs up and down the aisles, screaming bloody murder* LAND THE PLANE NOW! NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW! 

Farfello: Maybe Pretty Plum would be a better color…hmmm…

(After the plane lands, everyone gets off and walks exhausted down the terminal)

Nagi: *stops and kisses the ground* Oh, thank you!

Schu: *leaning on Crawford, moaning* Assssprrrrrriiiiin…

Crawford: Hmph, serves you damn right! *shoves him off*

Farfello: Then again, I do like Prettiful Pink.

(the finally get out of the airport and to their destination, New York)

Schu: I wanna visit Central Park!

Farfello: I want to kill some pigeons.

Nagi: I wanna go on TRL!

Others: *turn around and stare in shock*

Nagi: …it was a joke, you know, ha ha?

Others: *slowly turn back around*

Nagi: *takes out his picture of Carson Daly and kisses it* You know I still love you baby…(Siko: O.o)

Crawford: Let's just find a hotel or something…so that I can murder Schuldig in *private*

Schu: *gulps*


	5. Karaoke...*shudder*

Ah, finally I have gotten my ass back to writing this…yeah, this time it's even *more* full of random scariness…so, yeah, don't even ask…anyhow, enjoy!

(later in the hotel…or more like the Smog-View motel…near Jersey *don't question why…* our heroes have unpacked in their 2 rooms, reluctantly I might add. In Crawford and Schu's room there's a funny smell coming from under the mattress, the window is broken and sounds of police sirens flood through, cobwebs hang ominously overhead, roaches occasionally scatter across the floor and on the wall, looking like it's written in blood is 'I'll be back! I'm am death!')

Schu: *brushing his hair in the broken mirror whilst humming* Mmm, I am just so irresistibly sexy…

Crawford: *sitting on the bed* Can you help me with the irresistible urge to bash your head in then?

Schu: *turns around and faces him, mocking shock* Bah-rhad-leeeeee! How could you say that?! 

Crawford: How could you get us a room in this *motel*? Of ALL the hotels in the city, you chose Smog-View Motel?

Schu: Well, it's…quaint.

Crawford: Quaint my ass. You're up to something, that's why you brought me here, isn't it?

Schu: Someone's grumpy today…and nooooooooo, I just wanted a little romantic getaway…

Crawford: In the Smog-View Motel with Farfello and Nagi?

Schu: Work with me here, okay? Besides, we're going out tonight.

Crawford: To a random run-down, sleazy redneck bar, right?

Schu: A random run-down, sleazy, *including a Chinese food buffet* bar. 

Crawford: *hand to head*

~*~

(later, the quartet walk into the bar called "the Random Run-Down, Sleazy, Including A Chinese Food Buffet, Redneck Bar" to be greeted by the sweet sound of drunks singing karaoke)

Drunk Guy: *laughing, holding a microphone* Heh, heh…I wanna give a shout-out to all my peeps out there and this is dedicated to my girl, Marybell. *cue music* Don't tell my heart, my achy-breaky heart, I just don-*is hit in the head with a bottle and falls over*

Crawford: *sits at the bar, glaring*

Schu: *looks at the bartender, who is eying him* Um, yes?

Bartender: Welllll, you suuuure are a purdy girl!

Schu: We're in Jersey, why are you talking like that?

Bartender: Are you knockin' my accent? 

Schu: Yes.

Bartender: Oh, yer a feisty one, ain'tcha? 

Schu: *plants the feeling of being kicked between the legs in the guy's brain…or lack thereof*

Bartender: *eyes wide, keels over moaning*

Schu: *smiles* 2 Absoluts…

Bartender: *wheezes* Right…*gives him 2 in an instant*

Schu: *takes them and shoves one in Crawford's face* Bradley, drink up.

Crawford: *crosses arms* No.

Schu: You need to loosen up!

Crawford: Fuck you.

Schu: *pouts, then gets up and walks over to the guy running the karaoke machine*

Farfello: *is pigging out at the buffet* Nagi, you should eat some of this! Its fat content hurts god and therefore hurts toast! *grins*

Nagi: Ugh, this is pointl-mmmmffff! *Farfello shoves an egg roll in his mouth*

Farfello: Eat up! This cost Schu $2.50 each…

Nagi: *hits head on the buffet table repeatedly*

Karaoke Guy: Next up we have Schuldig with a song dedicated to Brad.

Crawford: *looks up* Eh?

(Schu stands in front of the little tv, holding the mike and smiling)

Schu: Evvvvery night in my dreams, I see yooooooou, I feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel yoooooooou…

Crawford: *cringes*

Farfello: AHHHHHHHH! *drops plate* WHAT IS THAT SOUND?!

Nagi: *tries to rip his own ears off* 

Schu: ….MY HEART WILL GO ONNNNNNN ANNNNNNNNNDDDDD ONNNNNN…

(windows shatter, people die, blood seeps into the wooden floor)

Crawford: I think I'll take that drink…or both of them. *downs them and loosens his tie* Bartender! Give me another!

(20 minutes later…)

Schu: *on his knees, arms raised to the sky* Yoooooooooou are saaaaaaaaafe in my heart…

Farfello: Someone needs to get him off of there.

Nagi: I agree.

Farfello: *stares at Nagi*

Nagi: *notices this and blinks* What?

Farfello: *stares*

Nagi: Why are you looking at me like that?

Farfello: *stares* 

Nagi: I know what you're thinking and the answer is no.

Farfello: But Nagi, I've to stay here and hurt toast…god.

Nagi: I'm not doing it.

Schu: …ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN ANNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDD ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN…

Nagi: *sighs* Well, at least it'd be worth not hearing *that* anymore…

Schu: -ONNNNNNNNNN ANNNNNNNNND ONNNNNNNNNNN-

Crawford: *on his 10th drink, slurs* Bartender, keep 'em comin'! 

Karaoke Guy: *shoves Schu off the little stage*

Schu: Hey, I wasn't finished!

Karaoke Guy: Oh, yes, you were. Next up is…Naoe Nagi.

Nagi: *groans and walks up, taking the microphone as the music starts* Mama just killed a maaaaan…put a gun against his head, pulled the trigger now he's dead…

Schu: *walks over to Crawford, looking pissy, but upon seeing the empty bottles littered in front of him, grins* Enjoying yourself, Bradley?

Crawford: Shut your hole, yoooooou…

Farfello: *looks at Nagi* Hey, he's singing my song! *walks up to the stage and grabs another mike* Onnnnn, carry onnnnnn, nothing really matters….

Schu: Brad, I need to ask you a favor…

Crawford: Wassat? 

Schu: *whispers something in Crawford's ear and grins*

Crawford: *smiles and chuckles* Oh, yeah, sure…it'll be fuuuuun…BARTENDER!

Nagi: I see a little silhouetto of a man…

Farfello: Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango!

(people have gathered around them by this time…half of them have died from the mixture of Japanese/Irish accents and the other half are too wasted to understand or care)

Drunk Guy: Yeeeeeah, Queen, man!

Farfello: Bismillah! No, we will not let you go!

Nagi: Let him go!

(minutes later the group around them are waving lighters in the air…)

Farfello: Nothing really matters, anyone can see, nothing really matters…to…*impossibly high note* meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…

(much tears and applause)

Drunk Guy: *clapping, wipes away a tear* Man, that was beautiful!

Farfello and Nagi: *bow*

Some Random Guy: Get off the nonexistent stage! *throws a bottle and hits Nagi in the head* 

Nagi: *head perks up and he glares at Some Random Guy*

Some Random Guy: Ha ha! Stupid little nancy boy( ------Placebo song reference), what're you gonna do? *half of the ceiling collapses on him* AHHHHH! PAIN!

Crawford: *all slurred* Hey, I wanna sing, tooooo! Listen: If you wanna know if heeeee loves ya so, it's innnn hisssssss kissssss, thasss where it is, oh yea-*is hit in the head with a chunk of plaster* Ow! *stares at the ceiling and shakes his fist* Oh, I'll get you! *picks up the plaster and throws it at the ceiling and it comes falling back down, hitting him in the head* Ah, damn you!

Schu: *grabs his arm whilst dodging the pieces of plaster falling from above* Come on, let's get out of here!

Crawford: Ummmmm…ooooookay, whatever you say, Schuschu! *giggles and hiccups* Can I call you Schuschu? Or Schu-bunny? KAWAIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!! *goes all fangirl*

Schu: *sighs* Of course…*motions to Nagi and Farfello to follow*

Farfello: But people are requesting an encore! 

Drunk Guy: "WE WILL ROCK YOU!" COME ON, MAN!

Schu: Oh, just move it! 

Nagi: *goes over and stands over Some Random Guy, glaring evilly*

Some Random Guy: *weakly reaches his hand up* Please…help me…I have a wife and kids…

Nagi: *kicks him in the head and walks out*

Farfello: *as he walks out, people throws roses and applaud* Yup, they love me…*smiles as someone tosses him a bouquet*

Crawford: *eyes the buffet* CHINESE FOOD!

Schu: No, resist the temptation of the MSG-filled goodness! *he rushes out with Crawford hanging off his shoulders just as the bar collapses…seconds later it explodes for no apparent reason as Schwarz bound away in slowwwww motion…*

Crawford: Whooooooo! That was like a Bruce Willis movie! Let's go to Video Palace and rent Fraggle Rock now!

Farfello: *claps his hands happily and does the happy dance* 

Schu: *brushes off his coat and pouts* I didn't need that…*looks at Nagi, grimacing*

Nagi: *scoffs* Why is it that every time a building collapses for no apparent reason, you automatically blame *me*?!

Farfello: *suddenly distracted from his Fraggle Rock manic-ness* Don't look now, but I think that there's someone trying to get our attention…

Schu: Eh? *looks up to see a very scary looking guy in a ski mask and all-black pointing a gun at them*

Nagi: *sighs* This is just pathetic now…Smog View Motel, the Random Run-Down, Sleazy, Including A Chinese Food Buffet, Redneck Bar, and now someone's attempting to rob us…

Guy: Alright, hand over your money and I won't kill you!

Crawford: *swaggers forward and starts taking off his coat* Oh, you think that you can talk to my girrrrrlfriend like that, do ya? Welllll, you got another thing comin' to ya, buddy!

Schu: Um, Brad, it's okay, I can take this guy…

Crawford: Stay back, Schu-bunny, I'll protect you! 

Schu: But you're drunk…

Crawford: Ohhhhh, I'm not drunk! I'm just a little tipsy, nothing I can't handle!

Schu: *hand to head* You're going to make an ass out of yourself and embarrass me!

Crawford: *stares at the guy* Okay, Mr. Robber Man, here's the deal…I challenge you… to a break-dance fight!

Guy: Look man, just gimmie the money now and I won't shoot!

Crawford: Now, watch my mad skills…*gets down on the sidewalk and tries to spin on his back, unsuccessfully* Oh, I'm just getting warmed-up!

Farfello: *stands to the side, filing his nails*

Nagi: *makes the guy spontaneously combust*

Crawford: *trying to spin on his head* Top that!

(people walk by and laugh/stare in confusion at this guy in an expensive suit down on the dirty sidewalk, rolling around and mumbling encouragements to himself)

Schu: *walking away* This is the most humiliating night of my life!

Nagi: *looks at the passing people and points at Crawford* I don't know him. 

Farfello: *points at Nagi* That's his son! He likes to break dance, too, right Billy-Bob?

Nagi: *glares* I hate you. *walks away*

Farfello: *laughs to himself, then looks at Crawford, who is now lying motionless* I guess you get to be my responsibility…ah, oh well…*slings him over his shoulder and grins* This is actually very nice…*walks after Nagi and Schu, who are fuming*

Crawford: *mumbles* What did Schu mean when he asked me to be on Star Search…?

Farfello: *shakes his head, still grinning and chuckles* Toast will bleed…*blinks* I mean god…ah, screw it… 

Bwahahahaha…I remember when I sung 'Celebration', 'Stayin' Alive' and 'I Will Survive' at karaoke with Eiko-chan…it was fun ^_^ 


End file.
